(A mixture of emotions ahead! Please
don't hate me for writing sad events along with much more beautiful ones in
this blog)
I had too many events that crammed within
these past two and a half months. Even though I had enough time.... No! I had
plenty of time to write about all those events, but one event shook me to the
realities of disgusting senseless creatures. It happened during February which
bothered me and made me think and think so much that I wasn't able be my normal
self for a few days. I usually try to convey whatever happened in my life so
far with as much optimism as possible, but this one I wasn't able to comprehend
it in the same way. One unnecessary incident made me to delay to write about
other much more important events of my life. I thought to myself "Should I
seriously need to consider writing about it? Or should I just forget like it
never happened?" But today I decided I wanted it to be out of my mind and
to help the good people out there to be more careful and less precarious to
prevent such an ordeal that I had been gone through.
The events:
We had a wonderful
session on counselling for personal effectiveness at my college. I know fancy
name but all we discussed was about more important stuff like self, society,
meditation, relationships and much more. We had an activity where we had to
speak about the woman that inspires us. Most of my classmates ended up telling
that the person who inspires them was their own mothers. I can't deny the fact
that mothers are indeed inspiring but it felt too cliché. They spoke
speeches bigger than their exam answer sheets. Lots of them cried either before
or after telling about the struggles their mothers endured. But my
individuality overflows through my character that I always ended up as an odd
one out in the crowd. I am admired for the same reason yet left alone
by others for the same. Guess whom I spoke about? Mother Teresa and Anne Frank!
Truth is I really don't have any particular woman in my life who inspires me
but many women who uplift me with their wits, wisdom, blessings, knowledge,
smiles, etc.
The session continued
with lots of presentations, discussions and a talk by a lady who is the owner
of a successful business venture. She sounded pretty interesting. She said
the way to success is to do hard work and have divine grace and asked
us "wouldn't you all agree to that?" Guess who didn't agree to
her statement? Me! I said I don't believe divinity is required but hard
work alone can help us to achieve success. She must have thought I am some
sort of some special case which needed attention and to be handled by mental
ward staff. I am a person who doesn't believe in going with the flow like a
herd of sheep. Only dead fish moves with the flow. But to my surprise she took
it as a genuine objection and explained why she believes in both hard work and
divine grace. Later, even I accepted after knowing she wasn't referring
divinity as the prevailing superstitions but as things like support and
blessings from others.
Later, we had a group meditation session with music played from a laptop. I was more concerned about the open window above my head where pigeons usually roam around than getting relaxed to the soothing music. But it did felt different to do something as tranquil as meditation among a group. I would definitely recommend you to add it on in your bucket list. Then, we all wrote our fears or worries or something that affects us in a small folded paper bits and put in a metal can in which the facilitator added a burning matchstick. We saw it burning with the gush of scarlet flames. Everyone in the class felt better after seeing their negativity burn away but I was anxious about what if the fire catches up and burns the whole building down? Sometimes I seriously feel my anxiety needs to be replaced by something wonderful but it is part of who I am and I try to embrace it.
The next event was drama rehearsal for the theme "dhaanam" which means “to voluntarily do a good deed by giving” in Tamil. We randomly formed ourselves to be the drama troupe. Few of us came because of interest in drama but most of us came because they were dragged by their friends or to skip the classes. The funny thing was we didn’t skip much of any classes but spent extra time rehearsing. Guess what role I got? I was the beggar in the drama. No, seriously my character in the drama was to beg for food out of hunger and poverty. I had done some drama roles in my past but for some reason I liked this one. Being a beggar and acting like one felt like too much relatable in terms of the fragility of emotions hidden inside me.
So, one day we had a
holiday but my faculty wanted to see us give them a trial performance of our
drama. No one knew the script fully yet we had to give a fantastic sneak peek
for them to approve us to perform on the Post graduate department’s assembly
session. I know it sounds super official but all they do is read up about
current news, activities and achievements happening in the college along with
tinge of entertainment like dance, music or drama. My friend told me she would
pick me up from a spot that is walk able to my house on that day. I woke up,
got ready, inhaled wisp of fresh air, waved a good bye to my mom and started
the day. I was walking until some random guy asks me “what’s the time?” I took
my phone and looked in it and told him the time and started putting my step
forward to walk again. How nice that day would have been if it was just that which
had been happened.
But nope! World is
filled with filthy bastards without a fully functioning decency. He asked me
again. This time, it was the same question with a different tone. The first
time he asked I didn’t see his face but told the time in a hurry and started to
move forward. But this time I got annoyed and faced him and was about to tell
him “Can’t you hear me or are you deaf?” But to my dismay he had a sly grin and
a constant movement of his hand towards his crotch. His zipper was open and he
basically flashed his male genitalia. Not more that 40 meters away from my
home, I got encountered with such an imbecile’s obscenity. Out of reflex, I
said “Are you kidding me?” and walked faster out of that place.
I felt disturbed and
wanted to erase this incident out of me. I walked as fast as I can but this
brute had to follow me and stop his scooter in front of me. I was scared to
hell and it didn’t let me think rationally. He was trying to speak something. I
passed by him where he halted and to my surprise I heard him telling sorry but
to my dismay he continued to speak about dirty stuff that I needn’t hear for an
early start of the day. I thought to myself walk as fast as possible, if he
still follows you report him to the traffic police. As soon as I reached the
spot that my friend told me to wait at he was nowhere to be seen. At that
moment, I was glad that I escaped from his antics.
As soon as my friend’s
car came, I pounced inside the car and she noticed something was odd about my
behaviour. I told her the whole thing that happened and she told me something
similar happened to her too in school days but she was not frightened and she
did defended and scared the hell out of such guys. This was the first time I
had such an encounter and maybe that’s why I wasn’t able to do anything about
it. We reached college, did our rehearsal practice as usual but the day and my
mind was on distraught. People appreciated the realism in me as a beggar. I
felt like it was more of who I am they were referring to but they all said it
was a genuine compliment. You have to believe in your classmate right. I was
simply glad I did justice to the character.
I finally told about
the nasty incident that I witnessed to my mom and brother. She was raged with
anger and told me I should have done something. My brother thought I was
kidding about such incident. But both of them understood the point that idiots
are around and we need to be careful about it. Whenever I think about it, I
sometimes feel like I should have thrown stones or my slipper at him or
something. When a mere pretentious incident made me feel so much exploited
inside, imagine victims of rape. Their brains would have been loaded with Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). There is an ardent need for psychiatric help
and support from near and dear. I am lucky enough to have an open minded family
who listened without any judgements and reviewed this incident modestly. Hope
everyone gets such support, help and a person they can share their thoughts to.
(Trust me, the sad
event part ends here J)
The day to perform the
character (beggar) finally arrived. We all got dressed up. I wore an old, faded
white shirt and paired it up with even more old, faded brown coloured dhoti
which belonged to my father. Then, I put my plaited hair into a bun and
released few strands of hair above my forehead. The magic in my uncontrollable
curly hair is that it doesn’t fall. It stays intact in its own weird curly
patterns and felt like added advantage for the beggar role and best of all no
makeup. I never like wearing makeup other than powder and a bindi (the dot most
of the Indian people wear on their forehead or in between their eyebrows).
People were astonished by how really I resemble like a beggar both in terms of
look and acting. When girls of my age want to act as princesses and female
protagonists, I prefer to act whichever role I am given to its level best.
We were checking up the
mikes, lights and other technical stuff. Then the assembly began. We sat along
with the audience until it was show time for us. The satisfaction is when your audience
claps with authentic happiness. The drama ended with a blast. We took hell lots
of selfies and my next work began to haunt me. Work - It has no beginning or
ending but omnipresent. We had an exhibition on the theme Human Resources. My
group’s topic was about competency mapping and as a science student I had no
Idea how to present intangible management terms as a visual model. Even though
we struggled, we did manage to do it after long hassles and suggestions. On the
day of exhibition, we had to present the models and explain it to the visitors.
We had a competency related puzzles and riddles which made them more
enthusiastic about my group’s topic. I found it as an enriching experience.
It’s always a pleasure for me to explain, teach and reach people through what I
know.
 |
| My group's exhibition models |
I donated my blood for
the first time! I know it’s unbelievable for me too. Blood donation camp was
organised at my college. They checked my weight and gave a form to be filled.
The form contained questions regarding health, hygiene and who I am. I was
assigned to a number which they used as reference for sending people inside the
room where they tested and took blood for donation. The nurse took a swab of
cotton dipped in antiseptic liquid and wiped my forefinger. Then, she pricked
it with something that looked like a thumbtack and blood drop oozed. She took a
slender transparent thing with small gap in it to collect my blood drop and
inserted it into a machine. It gave whirling sound and gave a digital reading
about my white blood cells count. She put a cotton ball to the place she
pricked and sent to another medical officer to check my blood pressure. I was
approved to be fit for donating my blood.
I was then given a
glucose solution to drink and was rested in a bed which had a green bed sheet
and a pillow to support my head. There were fellow blood donators who were
beside me who said it hurt and panic strikes me. I was determined to donate my
blood no matter what even after disapproval from my mom. The nurse comes, she
took an antiseptic liquid infused swab and cleans the skin of my left elbow
joint and inserts a needle which apparently was the scary part for many. But it
felt like a mosquito bite for me. This needle is attached to a tube which leads
the blood to be collected to a plastic pouch. The pouch is kept above a digital
weighing scale. I was given a foam ball in my left hand and told to press it
hard and release till the required amount is taken. Most of them felt pain and
dizziness but I didn’t. Maybe I am healthy and strong. After the process was
over I was given an orange juice, biscuit packet, key chain and a certificate.
Felt more proud than painful.
 |
| My blood donation certificate! |
Sports day celebrations
happened. As my college completed 25 years they thought of doing it in a grand
way and held it at an enormous sports open stadium. We sat in one place and got
snacks and a mango juice. Suddenly they made us to leave and occupy the
opposite side of the stadium. So, we had to walk all over the stadium, miss
most of the fun part and had to search for seats with less dust. The stage was
distant and people were tiny and we understood nothing but we were going to go
home late. But the sunset was worth waiting for. The warmth in the sky slowly
turned darker. It became night and I had to catch a train with my friends to
reach back home.
 |
| The enormous sports stadium |
 |
| Side view of the same ground - Because why not? Pictures tell thousand words |
 |
| That mesmerizing sunset at the stadium |
College day came up and
my mom was happy because it’s the only event parents are invited to attend by
my college. We took a bus and reached the place super soon. We waited and
waited for the event to begin. Then, we waited and waited for the event to end
soon. The chief guest instead of giving a speech she gave a long detailed lecture
which further delayed the schedule of the event. The sky was pitch black and
the stage lights were so much focused over the audience my eyes began to dry
up. Few of the students rebelled to the gate to go home soon. I stayed till the
event finish as I couldn’t find my mom in the parent’s crowd and didn’t want to
disturb her to the only college event she got invited to. Later she confessed
to me we should have left earlier.
 |
| See! That's how intense the lights were. If you were an event organiser or by chance are in-charge of stage lights please consider my request of not flashing high beams of lights towards the audience who might eventually get glaucoma from it. Thank you. |
Senior’s farewell
arrived. Usually it is not a custom to do it at Post graduate level but I guess
anything is possible in a class I belong to. I didn’t even knew half of my
seniors to whom we paid hefty amount for a place where we were going to dress
up, play games and eat food. Sounds like childhood memories. I guess we never grow
up but only get older and better. We danced like there was no tomorrow and the
next day I became sick. Guess that’s what happens to an introvert who tries the
joys of an extrovert. After the farewell, I reached the bus stop and sat beside
a school kid. She smiled and I smiled back. We spoke about Chennai, my college,
her school, summer, weather, global warming, education, etc. We both took the
same bus, she got her stop sooner. She waved her hand at me as a goodbye. I had
this spontaneous warm smile and gave a little wave as a bye. More than the
spent farewell to unknown college senior acquaintances, this small conversation
with a little girl felt more worth it. Children do have captivating magic which
can’t be bought or compared with anything in the world.
My Undergraduate
classmate wedding reception invite came. It was my chance to meet my most
cherished possession - My buddies. Thankfully or coincidently they have same
thinking and interests as I do. Nothing is as exquisite as meeting the people
who thinks alike. I reached the venue sooner than I thought. Few couldn’t make
it but most of them came. We were having great joy and smiles as we met after a
long time. It was as if the smiles were glued to our faces. We spoke about our
lives, the bride, reception and all. As the crowd was more and we “girls” have
to return home as soon as possible, we headed towards the dining part first. We
went and saw people eating meat and Non-vegetarian foods. My vegetarian friends
got a shock of their lives. Then, it turns out that there is a separate
vegetarian section outside the hall. We ate all ate vegetarian food. Well all
did eating but I was blabbering instead. We got our return gifts as soon as we
finished eating. The funny thing is we haven’t even met and took pictures with
the bride yet. Couple of kids were dancing to the music offstage. We queued up
to take a picture and wish the bride and go home. The photographers took a
while to take angle shots, panoramic shots and full group pictures of us on the
stage with the bride. We were grinning all the time and it felt awkward to
stand on a stage and grin towards seated strangers.
Like I said, it was as
eventful as it gets!
If you had read fully
till now, it means you are an awesome and patient reader. Kudos to you and
happy Tamil new year!!
இனிய தமிழ் புத்தாண்டு வாழ்த்துக்கள்!!
