May 2017 and it's memories

My vacation holidays are over as my internship began from May onward. At first I was hesitant about the whole idea about this new experience I am about to enter. As, I have been already a part of this new intern life, it's now my routine. But let me reminisce about the happenings so far.

On the first day of my internship: I woke up, got ready and reached the place tad bit early. That's what I thought. But turns out I reached super soon. The place is situated at the third floor of an apartment. I waited for a while then went to the stairs and walked up to see the terrace. My idea was to see the vast expanse of the city through the terrace view while I was passing time away but unfortunately the place was locked with grilled gate. The silent melancholy of not being able to see what I expected. Terraces and me never work out. I have been living in a house without terrace for two decades so far. So, whenever I visit some building I love to visit their terrace. 

The grilled gate of the terrace!

But in my life whenever expected things never happen beautiful unexpected things occur. I met three little caramel coloured kittens nearby that gate. They were scared. They didn't even meowed. When I told my brother about this incident back home he made joke like "Be glad the mother of those kittens didn't attack you" Well, siblings are one terrific yet horrendous present given to us.

The amazing kitten siblings

The kittens escaped before I take second picture of them. I was just pure ecstatic that I was blessed to see such pretty kittens which almost broke up the nervousness of my first day as intern. The intern life was good and days passed by. The phases of life may change but the super slow frequency of buses in Chennai still remains the same. The wait, the crowd and finally reaching the destination alive. If you had read all my previous blogs I assume 10% of my life rantings would be about the buses. During one of my wait at the bus stop, I randomly spotted a stray dog which I photographed. I think people would have thought I am a weirdo while taking a picture of a stray dog incredibly emphasized under the striking street lights of the evening. 

The "Stray/ Stunning" Dog!

One fine morning, same situation happened when I was waiting for the bus. While everyone's faces were pondering upon their phones, vehicles and people. I basically looked up for a breathe of oxygen after a exhausting walk under the sun. To my surprise the clouds were surreal. What a spectacular view I thought! I quickly took a snap out of it. Nowadays I am not even afraid of what people might think and say. If it makes us happy and hurts none, why not pursue it? 

The luscious clouds above the urban life of Chennai

Yesterday, I got this duty of assisting admissions for my future juniors at college. It felt a bit different to go back to the place (my college) I spent 4 years of my life after 1 month gap. We invigilated, corrected the papers, clarified their queries. The part which I enjoyed the most is when I started giving my philosophical advises to those kids. Even they were receptive of it. I don't know maybe it's the vulnerability of uncertainty that came due to their admission entrance test. But I felt satisfied that the future people aren't as ignorant as the past folks. Even though I felt not being able to attend my internship for a day, I felt happy to have a chance to know the crux of the new happenings and people. 

And, today I felt like bringing my blog active again even though their hasn't been much to talk about I wanted to record and share anything even if it sounds lame to others. Sometimes it's the little things/incidents that makes up our life. I hope all of you find such little things in life that can bring happiness in your life too. Piece of advice: Notice everything. It doesn't matter if is important or the purpose is unknown but it contributes to your life someway.

I noticed to water the plants. Guess what I got after months?
These pretty flowers!

Poem - Nothing lasts longer than you think

Looking outside, everything seems false

Looking inside, falling into a trance

Trying to survive, out of a joke

Hoping for good, like a whisper of smoke

Want to do, something that amaze

Yet here I am, falling into a daze

All these fake faces, they make you barf

But sometimes life, does make you laugh

Even if it’s the case of delusions

It’s like a maze of emotions

Laced by the fact of emptiness

Paced to seek for happiness

- Sunayana

Having holidays and lot's of boring time. No. I didn't had a vacation as my brother is having his college exams. And also no, I am not allowed to go out with friends because they think I might become a spendthrift or get a beautiful tan that will lead to skin cancer. Chennai weather is one chaotic situation. Whomever currently living here, are eligible enough to survive Sahara desert. I passed most of my time seeing biographical movies, eating food and long uninterrupted blissful sleeps. Anyways, I just wanted to share this lame poem I wrote in the meantime. Excuse me for all the grammatical mistakes or if offended the format of a proper poem. I am just an amateur poetess. Hope you all had great time with your April 2017 too. 😊 

Delirious Dec'16

A lot can happen over an end of the year. Especially if it is the final month of the year based on the various incidents I witnessed so far in my life. So, this year's December hasn't surprised me much. I had a gut feeling that something new going to happen and it will make most of us or me personally to get a life changing experiences. 

• First things first! I started my first internship as a post graduate student. 
• Lost an irreplaceable woman of Tamil Nadu. 
• Next we got hit by a cyclone name "Vardah"
• Then I attended an autism campaign conducted at my college. 
• Got my 1st semester exam results.
• Now regaining myself with the festive and holiday spirit.

December started by an Internship on weekend basis. It is still going on so I can't exactly say it was fun and frolic but it is going on well. Every place I went for an internship I get these blank stares from the people in the workplace as if I am prohibited to work there. But eventually as the days passes they get used to us "interning" I guess.

2nd week of Dec, 2016: Shock of many people's life I guess. The death of former Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu was officially declared. Jayalalitha was her name and I can proudly say that she was a very bold and brilliant woman who achieved so much in this misogynistic society. It was hard and unbelievable at first to absorb the news of her death as her sick condition was telecast for prolonged period of time. Some say her death might be a conspiracy. On the very next day of her death announcement, her corpse was displayed for the public to pay their respects. The most annoying part was the sad background music these TV channels played during the live telecast of her funeral. On her funeral the whole city was silent and standstill. Most of us were shocked, mourning, confused and many other unexplained emotions for the loss of such an irreplaceable lady. It still saddens me to think about her death but everyone is mortal and has a purpose in their life. Death indicates either we didn't achieve or try to be purposeful or our purpose as a human has been fulfilled. Either way it indicates end of this life. So, let's find infinite purposes to live before that end finds us.

3nd and 4th week of Dec, 2016: The super amazing cyclone named "Vardah" came to Chennai to greet its citizens the power of Mother Nature. So, eventually we got another set of holidays as the weather people announced it is dangerous for public to roam around outside the houses. My mom took this statement too literally. I was happy because we had confusing assignments to submit on those days and government announced holidays due to natural calamities which meant we didn’t have to submit or produce any fake reasons to cover up the results of our procrastination. We enjoyed until the electricity went off. We tried to watch the speed of the wind and waving patterns of the trees. 

It was magical to see cyclone of this kind for the first time in my life. But my mom kept on yelling at me and my brother to get inside the house to be safe. Technically, we were just watching from the porch of the house which is grilled with metal rods and well-secured enough to protect us. After few hours we got bored and spoke to while away the time. Then, darkness prevails for days and tried to be super careful about not to wasting any candles and curtailed usage of gadgets. It was annoying to do nothing, not to go outside, getting bites from mosquitoes and sleepless. Lots of trees were uprooted and we got some more holidays as bonus. Life was boring suddenly. We were out of topics to discuss, no electricity and no work to do. At last one fine day we got back our electricity. We were feeling like the caveman who saw the fire again.

The next thing was both internet and TV was not working. Holidays without them in my house are as same as living without electricity for me. Fate is like water, when we solve one problem it finds another way to pass on another new problem into our lives. We paid our bills and waited for a day. Nothing happens. Meanwhile, my brother by chance finds out the cable wire was detached and fixes the TV connection. College finally starts. We were informed to attend an autism awareness campaign and asked to wear blue clothes as a colour code for the occasion. The first thing was a walkathon at Marina beach. I took a bus and reached the spot. The trees were lifeless without any leaves in its branches. I walked to reach Gandhi statue the reporting location. I met and greeted my classmates with great joy. We posed for the press. They took photos of us campaigning. We were given blue caps and blue LED light. I absolutely love LED lights for no reason.  Then, we started to do what we were supposed to do - "Walking"

We walked and few people noticed and most of them were clueless. A dog also walked beside us with a cheerful smile. I noticed few people walking with their huskies and I was the only one who was ecstatic about them I guess. We walked and reached the finishing spot. We were given water bottle, fruit Juice bottle, a small palm size box containing sweet and savoury snack. Later most of the people dispersed to go home. Few of my classmates remained to try out mannequin challenge and it was a fun experience to do at a beach I guess. I later had to take a crowded bus to reach home. Every muscle twitches with agony till the journey inside the crowded bus stops. I rested as soon as I reached home. The next few days we attended a choir performance by autistic kids, watched documentary on autism, music performance by autistic children, listened to the debates and speeches with regards to autism. It was one of such moments you feel blessed, confused, happy and melancholy all at once. I am happy that I had an opportunity to get awareness about autism and to meet such special children.

We still haven't got back the internet and heard rumours that results were out in the college intranet. My classmate calls me and confirms that we really got the results and few even got arrears. I had to check my results or else I will go insane. So, I went right away to the internet office and gave a complaint to check for the problem. I came back home to find my dad telling me casually that he got a message stating we exceeded the provided megabytes for our current plan. If he had told us earlier we would have used appropriately but his presence in this house became a rare occurrence due to his business problems and forgot to inform us as if he forgot our existence. Later, he was persistent about changing into new internet plan and ordered me to come along with him. After that walkathon, autism speeches and results dilemma I was super tired but I had to obey to avoid conflicts.

I went to the same office where I gave complaint not long ago. We sat opposite to an old woman. She asked us the phone number and I was blinking. My dad stared at me with an expression as if I should have been memorized with such details. My dad tells the number to her and she gave an obnoxious stare at me. I came because my dad dragged me in the name of "Awareness of how things are done" and he was least bothered to know if I was ready or wanted to come along after all the tiredness I was enduring. Now, he expects me to answer something I have no idea about. She enquired about the Internet plan we were using in a very annoyed yet raised tone and again I was blank. Usually this stuff was taken care by my dad's ex-staff and now we both had no idea. She was expecting me to answer but I was not prepared as a lot was going on in my head and I was dragged to that place without my interest. Eventually, my dad also didn't know and suddenly she yells at me that I should be well known with this stuff and girls younger than me are much better at this. This also I am not capable to do and how am I supposed to live in this world and all such unnecessary things all of a sudden. 

I lost my mind, self-control and my sane self. My temper was boiled so much as her rapid accusations towards my incompetence increased and it reached to that point I finally cried. Water welled up over my lower eyelids and warm tears rolled over my cheekbones. I tried to hide and wipe out and to my surprise she saw me crying yet it didn't stop her inhuman behaviour. She was not ready to realize her mistake and start helping us (customers) which she was supposed to do instead she started a fresh new topic to criticize about - "my emotional stability" Now, my dad did the talking and changed the plan. After the work got over, with the same teary eyes along with a pressuring lump in the throat and great courage I trashed her for her beautiful criticism towards who I am. I reminded her that her job was to serve the needs of the consumers not to judge or criticize or belittle them for her own sick, wicked enjoyment. Not all consumers are well aware about most of the things they use and they must be ready to help not interrogate the customers in such impolite and unpleasing manner. And the funny thing was I apologized to her for my crying but she never even gave damn to say sorry out of courtesy. I guess we can only try to make them realize but can't actually change them unless they want to. Even though so much was going through my mind, I was proud that I stood for myself and spoke what I felt needed to be told. Never let others bully or belittle you - Lesson learnt.

I still continued crying at home. My mom consoled me. My dad was furious that I cried for no reason as if adults aren't supposed to cry. Like as if when puberty hits us, our tear ducts should have been disappeared. Well some people can never be understood. But still I didn't have my internet back. The next day a guy came to check for the fault and finally it was the fault of a cube sized device called splitter. We bought a new splitter and attach the wires of modem and phone, Viola! Internet was back. And I checked for my results and I passed. I cleared all my subjects in 1st semester and secretly felt like all those crying was somehow worth it. I have this superstitious notion that When you are sad you will be returned with equal amounts of happiness in return.

Then, Christmas happened, ate a delicious black forest cake, saw lots of movies (in my laptop), visited beach, New Year arrived and now gearing up myself to tackle even more complications of the future. All these incidents took me by surprise and surprisingly occurred on December, 2016. That explains why I took so long to blog again. Anyways, Hope to kick out all the scummy memories of 2016 and ready to welcome lots more refreshing experiences in 2017. 

Oh, yeah! Totally forgot... 

Wish you all a very Happy New year!!!

Finale of October'16

October must be one weird month. It started off very differently and ended with lots of elements of life. In my previous blog, I mentioned about how it started, now will be providing you with the details of it's climax. Till 25th October I was having a combination of study holidays and exams. I always try to study as late as possible because of my horrendous memory. I might be a victim to amnesia or I might be hallucinating about it whatsoever this method has always been working out for me. So, after 25th I was having semester holidays and Deepavali holidays. 

Oct 26, 2016: Beginning of holidays

Finally, exams got over and I wanted to relax a bit so slept for a long time and woke up late. I woke up to see too many messages in my phone. I might have slight symptoms of Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) towards messages. I tend to check all the messages without fail. It seems my department assigned my class to finish a survey about soaps and shampoos. That too 5 filled surveys in both category which means I had to sacrifice my precious day by dedicating myself to fill the survey and request other people to fill it and send it back to my class leader. Now that's what I got in the name of holiday. But, certain duties even though it is useless for us to do; we need to fulfill it and forgo our holiday spirits. I couldn't believe survey filling can consume a whole day.

Oct 27, 2016: Bus ticket booking

Second day of the holidays. I thought to myself no more work and responsibilities, lets enjoy it to the fullest. But life has it's own will to destroy our peace of mind. I got immediate another task for the day. *Poof* The so called second holiday was gone with the wind within minutes. Life can be demanding at times.

My aunt who is an elder sister to my mom came to India from U.S. to visit my grandma who resides at my native place. So, my mom also wanted to pay a visit to them. So, she asked me to accompany her to book a ticket. We walked near the bus stop and took a bus to C.M.B.T. (Chennai Moffusil Bus Terminal) in Koyembedu. It is known as the biggest bus terminal in Asia according to Internet sources.  We arrive at C.M.B.T. and walk towards the ticket booking center. Due to fast approaching Deepavali festival, Tamil Nadu government has added additional buses for the public convenience to visit their hometowns which I presume. My native is in Andhra which means an other state of India so the ticket booking booth was far away from the entrance. We walked and saw couple of help desks that has been set up temporarily, buses that is routed to different places some of which I have never heard of before, and finally we reach our booth.

The kiosk was a filthy room that was opposite to a toilet. A lady was seated inside that cubicle who provides Information and tickets regarding Andhra Pradesh Government Buses. She was seen through a hole provided in a grimy glass window secured by equally grimy metal bars. It was extremely inconvenient for my mom to converse with her to book a ticket. But eventually we booked a ticket after my mom interrogated her with lots of possible and impossible questions. We finished our ticket booking and were walking back to the entrance and suddenly my mom reminded of us being alone and hungry while she is away and wanted to buy some biscuits. She spotted a store and started interrogating that vendor about the rates and prices of the biscuits. I am a person who hates spending money unnecessarily and if I really wanted something; I do a hefty amount of thought processing before really purchasing anything. Meanwhile, my mother is completely opposite to me. She buys immediately if she wishes to buy something without giving it a thought..

Later, she was not satisfied by the choices in the store and left. I felt terrible for the guy who responded all the questions to my mom and she just left without buying anything. When I told her about her behaviour she just denied it by saying its his duty to serve customers and our choice to whether purchase or not. Most of the parents, especially my mom has a way of making flawless legit points. Then, she got reminded of something again and I was already drowsy from lack of sleep and wanted to go home as soon as possible. She forgot to book her return ticket to Chennai. We walked again to the same kiosk and went through same ticket booking process again. We finally accomplished booking our tickets and took a bus home.

I still had some more time of the day to spend meaningfully. So, I watched few episodes of Korean dramas and read a book. My advice to you all: Spend each ounce of time towards what interests you. Never spend your time on boring activities because wasted time can never be regained. At the same time stop worrying about wasting time and be grateful for what our life has to offer.

Oct 28, 2016: Mom vanishes from home

My mom kept on reminding me what to do and what not to do while she was away. She prepared extra amounts of food and told us to eat it whenever we were hungry. She took her luggage and was stating she was going. We said bye. She came again and repeated the same for a few times and we got annoyed and said just go and reach the bus stop on time. She made an on purpose faux frown and went off. My brother and I were immediately got glued to our gadgets. The day for some reason felt relaxing at first but was never ending. Usually my mom is a constant chatterbox in better terms she's a garrulous person. She never stops nagging and always find ways to express all the faults in the world with the people who are dear to her. Life usually goes a bit fast forward when she's in the house. That moment we felt what happens in her absence. Its probably nothing but something that make us to feel a bit missing without the presence of a particular thing.

Oct 29, 2016: Very important day

It's the day my brother was born and its the day the auspicious festival Deepavali was celebrated in the year 2016. Some say it is Diwali, some say it is Deepavali, but I assume most of the people like me says it's a beautiful holiday. Morning was filled with cracker sounds which I strongly detest. Many of us know it is festival of lights not sounds. My dad wanted us to be well fed while my mom was away and asked us for our breakfast choices and I said I was not hungry and he didn't even gave a thought to my opinion. I have a habit of eating less in the morning and more in the evening. But for some reason my family can't understand my body's hunger timings and ends up feeding me more or starving me more at times. Meanwhile, my brother has this amazing talent of tolerating people. He just blurted out "anything is fine".

That's how I ended up eating two large dosas, one oily poori and a bangle sized vada. Accompanied by coconut chutney, tomato chutney, sambhar and a potato side dish. I ate all those just because my dad was insistent and was watching over us finish eating all the foods he proudly bought to fulfill my hunger-less stomach. Everyone who knows me very well knows how meticulously I eat. I am well known for my eating styles and habits. I was both appreciated and criticized for my eating decisions by everyone I knew till now. Everyone are different and people just can't accept a person having a different eating pattern.

Usually the TV channels show good choice of films to watch. This time films shown were boring and repeated ones. My phone buzzed with Deepavali wishes. I was wishing them back. I got something even special on this day - The cold. I got sick and was sneezing more than the times I was breathing. We ate noodles for lunch. Anything warm can make a cold person be at ease. The warm soupy instant noodles soothed me for a while. Later, I scribbled some patterns with chalk pieces in the name of kolam on the floor. Then, I finished a series of Korean drama and it became night. We were watching discreetly at the fireworks which the tenants were bursting.

Mom arrives and starts talking about her arrival confusion. I did miss her nagging but sometimes I hope she realizes the preciousness of silence.

Oct 30, 2016: Usual routine holiday

Mom was back. My aunt gifted us with lots of goodies. We ate foreign biscuits and chocolates. Mom started her work of annoying us with her blabber. We distracted ourselves with the help of Internet. The day ended but my cold didn't.

Oct 31, 2016: Sleep deprived and lots more worse stuff

I was carefree and sleeping in the bed without any worries other than my cold. I am woken up by my mom. I saw glass shattered all over the hall, broken cupboard and a my brother with his bleeding wrists. I immediately brush my teeth, change my clothes and rush over to a medical shop. There was another customer who came prior to me and was taking her own time to decide what to purchase. So, I started looking upon all the medicines and other things arranged in the shop. She leaves and I blurt out what I need in lightning speed. The cashier/store representative got confused and I repeated each item slowly. She showed the things I needed and started tapping buttons of the keyboard to prepare the bill. I paid, took the things that I purchased and left as quickly as possible.

My mom dabbed a chunk of cotton with the antiseptic liquid and rubbed it over my brother's bruises. She made sure to advice him constantly with each rub. Then his bruises were covered with band aids. Till this moment I was clueless about what was going on. When I asked about it, My mom started crying. She cries rarely and started telling philosophy with regards to parenting. The reason was my brother missed his college bus and came home. He had an important test on that day and was ready to bunk it. This made my mom angry and to yell at him. Eventually he wanted my mom to stop talking and tried to hit the wall. Instead his arm hits the glass panel of the cupboard nearby and that explains how the hall was looking like a crime scene in the morning. My mom made an enquiry with his college faculty and made him to go to college by other buses. He was reluctant at first but agreed eventually. I was sent along with him to make sure he gets into a bus.

I came back home which was having power cut. How unpredictable life can be? Any irrelevant incident can become relevantly influential towards our life. I took headphones, my phone and headed towards the bamboo swing that is hung at the entrance of the house. I Listened to radio, passed time by swinging and waited for the current to comeback.

That's how October 2016 ended for me!

Rains of Chennai lead to my boredom

          College was something that I dreaded as a routine in my life. When finally the holidays are announced after my exams; I was definitely at cloud nine. But eventually, I got bored of holidays too. The same old Facebook, YouTube, and whole lots of websites became my cheerleaders during my holidays. Finally, I was counting days to enter the first day of my Final semester at college on November 16, 2015. And the skies in Chennai had other plans.

In Chennai, I believe most of the youth/students are diverse yet united by Rains. Because getting heavy rains in Chennai is like a spectacle for every Chennailite. And when it happens especially every school/college student like me turns the T.V. on and looks at the flashing News section of all the Tamil News channels. We all usually wish the college and schools announces holiday due to heavy rains. Whenever they announce holiday due to heavy rains that day has the beautiful sunshine. But this time it was different, the rains were constant and flooded the Chennai. Even though holidays are fun when there are rains it is hard to go out or take a vacation especially for a person who thinks too much while stepping out of the house.

So for past few days my life schedule is dependent on the Tamil news channels, Internet and weather. Now, I am dreading this kind of routine. By God’s grace me, my family and my friends are safe. But there is this feeling of getting annoyed by constant heavy rains, no college, no actual social interactions, no activity, etc. So here I am finally giving a try at blogging about my life experiences.

P.s. All the opinions above are mine and it can be pointless, nonsense, etc. But if you like it thanks for reading it. 

This area was near my house.. hope rains becomes less constant for a while. Picture courtesy: My dad