Things and their prominence

From my childhood, I was always attached more to inanimate objects than people. I used to play with things, sometimes it gets broken and I try to repair it and eventually get scolded for it. Also I could not get the heart to throw them away as trash which the adults deem it to be useless and broken. At a very young age I thought each thing has a purpose and can be utilized if we put our creativity and imagination into it. I still do. Whenever I visit shops as a kid, I always get tempted to touch every thing decked on the shelves. I get so fascinated and curious to know what each product can do and how. I wish such enthusiastic curiosity was still alive in many of us who moved on from our true innocent self that we possessed when we were kids. We used to be brave enough to explore and exploit everything we saw. Eventually life happened, we leveled up and unlocked new challenges.

For me each thing I own has a great significant meaning behind it and I believe everyone has one special thing with them that is so close to them too. Certain things reminds us of a memory, certain things makes us feel happy, certain things helps us cope with life or even a part of our life and reasons for the things we own can be a long list. For me one of such thing is my laptop. We are inseparable duo. Actually, I like my laptop better when there is good wifi signal. But still I learnt how much it means to me only when it got broken recently. I kept it on the chair and went to college. When I came back home, I took out my laptop out of it's bag, saw a crack on the screen and when I turned it on it gave me a plain blank white light all over the display. The torture of seeing your laptop not working anymore is horrific to know. 

When it happened, I was not in my sane self. My routine got crashed and I could not submit any College assignments properly which is a big deal for me. I consider myself an Introvert and I tend to be scared to ask help from friends. Even a midget amount of help makes me feel like I am taking advantage of that person who is helping me. I could never be satisfied by a work that was not done by me which was related or referred to me. So, I got sick with cold for a while. Whenever something happens to something so much dear to me, I tend to fall sick and depressed. I felt like a warrior at a war whose weapon got broken. My weapon to survive my life was my laptop. So, it took me a long while to sink in the thought that my laptop got broken and I really need to get it repaired. 

After many days and few powerful inputs from my mom I prepared to get it repaired. Usually for any small malfunctions we used to go to the shop which sold us this laptop I own. But they treated us like some nomadic people rather than customers and that place is situated far away from my home. My mom suggested she saw a laptop service center near my home and I was doubtful about her memory. I asked her whether she saw mobile shop or really a shop which services laptops. She was determined and that's how the journey of my laptop began. We walked together. Passed through a heavily crowded temple where the devotees are so dedicated they don't want to enter the temple premises but to block the footpath present in the temple entrance. How devotional and considerate of them. So, we passed through this and arrived at the shop my mom mentioned. I could interpret it was a mobile sales shop but my mom was persistent.

We entered and asked whether they service laptops. Turns out they don't and guess what they do. They sell mobiles. But the shopkeeper mentioned there is a laptop service center in the basement of the building. It turns out to be the shop which I frequently visit to get xerox, print out and spiral binding. So, I gave him my laptop and I was not having the courage or knowledge to describe the exact problem. So, He checks it out and tells us that it can be repaired. We were so happy until he said that would cost us around 4000 rupees. We came back home. Also there is demonetization happening in India which made my case even worse. To get money from banks and ATM there is a huge queue and hell lot of waiting time. My mom saw me suffering without laptop and she did went out to get money from the bank the next day. Mothers are the best and I am so gifted to have her in my life. The next day, we went again and gave the laptop for servicing and left in a rush. I can't bear the thought of leaving my laptop in the hands of anyone other than me. It means a lot to to me.

After that day I was informed that my Laptop got repaired. I dressed up, took cash from mom and rushed as soon as possible. My brother accompanied me this time. I saw my laptop and asked him did he put a new screen and he replied yes ma'am with a judgmental look. It was like as if my laptop has recovered and discharged from it's ICU. We paid him 4300 rupees and I demanded  for a bill. He made us wait to get a bill which he was making from scratch. But it was worth it. It took me a day to use it again. As if it was some sort of fragile piece of art. My laptop is the best thing that happened to my life so far and it remains to be my best buddy till date. Some things are valuable to us and people realize it when they are on the verge of losing it. It's nice to have that something in our life that rejuvenates us to live. 

Poem - Suprised of life

Awakened by mother earth

Surprises it kept beneath it
Like an earthquake
Or like a cake bake
Why does life has to be fake?
With nothing but a mistake
Stunned by the worries to shake
Swimming in this horrible dreamy break
Unable to be awake
This life is like a bloody lake
No more goodness to take
No more happiness to make
Living like a ghost for your sake
Want to be awake
From this horrible surprise called life! 

Had a horrible day and wrote this one. Felt like sharing it. 

The First week of February - Struggles!

Feb 1, 2016: My mother and my aunt who came from U.S. to visit us both left from Chennai to visit my grandma (Their mom). My ammama (Mother's mom/ my grandma) lives in a town located in Andhra. I was told to look after the house. They left the house after I went to college. College went on as usual and I came back home. The silence was tremendous. I felt haunted vibe in my own house. No single nagging or scolding of my mom to be heard. The silence was ecstatic until I had to do the chores for the day that my mom did for past 21 years of her marriage.

I cleaned some vessels, saw T.V., heated milk and mixed Maltova (Cocoa flavoured malt powder) into it and drank it. The next challenge was to make rice. I have very poor cooking skills yet I took Food Science as my Bachelor degree. 

I remember my mom telling me to add 3 cups of water to 1 cup of rice and switch on the electric rice cooker. It sounded as an easy thing to do but not after I did I realised only with practice you will get properly cooked rice. I had to wash the rice, then put it into the electric rice cooker vessel, then add water. I was confused by which cup my mom referred to. Then I used the same cup I measured the rice with and started adding water and lost count of how many cups of water I added. So, I simply added till the rice is drowned with water.

I saw T.V., checked my mails, browsed for good colleges for my master’s degree and ended up tired. The cooked symbol was blinking on the device and I checked the status of my first rice cooking experience/ experiment. The rice was semi-cooked, the outer portion of the grain was cooked but the center part of the grain was hard. So, I added some more water and set the Electric Rice Cooker to cook it again. This time the rice was cooked nicely and edible to eat. Yippee!! But the quantity was too high to for dinner for me and my brother. Damn it. 

I microwave the chicken curry my mom kept in the fridge. I and my brother ate the rice with it, then with some curd and mango pickle. The night went on well, I made small pat on my back convincing myself there could be even other kind of disasters that could happen being home alone. Then we watched a Tamil dubbed Korean serial “Master’s sun”. It was a spooky serial. We both were scared to death while sleeping.

Feb 2, 2016: I woke up, brushed my teeth, heated the milk, drank it, and ate some biscuits, bathed, packed my bag and ready to go to college. Except my body and soul was ached to stay at home because I was too sleepy and tired from the nightmares. I told my brother good bye and walked towards the bus stop. College was same boring as hell. My classmates were practicing for aerobics and March past to represent the department at the sports day. They were arguing about the faults in their teammates. Head ache was at peak. I sat and helped my classmates with some tests for their research. Then college got over. I came home. My mom arrived. Even though secretly I was happy that she came at the same time the freedom to do whatever I want is gone. 

Feb 3, 2016: I went to college. I helped my friend with her protein analysis for her food sample in the laboratory. I told her to finish the test because I had some another class to attend at that time but she threw it off. All my efforts of preparing the reagents, sample, etc went into a drain. Then my class and some other departments together had a session on “Happy marriages”. It was more like a Stand up comedy than a counselling session on marriages. 

Feb 4, 2016: I had a proper class from my faculty after 2 full months. Finally it felt like classroom. Then, we had practical session to make nectar and ready to drink beverage from a fruit. After the last period my department calls me to meet them. There was this conference going to happen in Chennai for which I gave my name and paid money. The dumb thing was I gave my money on Feb 2 and Feb 3 also my friend did not cross check to inform me that I paid twice. I got an awesome scolding session from my department. Wow. What a crappy day! I am very bad at remembering whatever is related to numbers – time, money, date, schedules, counting, basically anything with math.

I felt weak, tired, sick, and more like a Character from Tim Burton’s movie. I walked on the road to reach my bus stop. Is it me or for everyone? When I felt tired and sad that particular day, I felt everyone is watching me. I got into a crowded bus, crushed and smashed every muscle of mine to squirm my way to get a proper spot to stand inside the bus. I went home and cried like anything. Life felt useless. My mom wasn’t of big help she even added more details to increase my sadness. I cried until my eyes got dried, reddened and burning as if my vitreous humor was replaced by fire. I took a kerchief wet it with tap water and kept it on my eye lids and slept for a while.

I am very poor at handling any scolding that is related to my mistakes. I felt horrible. I apologised to my friend who was also scolded for my fault. She told me “Don’t worry. Learn from the mistakes and Move on.”

Feb 5, 2016: Today I will be attending my college sports day event in the evening. So, I didn’t have college and all drama to handle in the morning. I had a good sleep and became less suicidal. My conscience said people had done far more mistakes than I did. I never murdered, cheated or spoiled anyone’s life. So, compared to some people’s mistakes I felt better. I hope we all get the strength to pass this test called “life”.