Vythiri and me! (Rants and mostly photos)

Hey, all! Been super sick recently, I mean way more sick than I expected. Sick because of low immunity, low self-esteem, home sickness, people and the fact that I am ridiculed by my own mind about the worthiness of myself. I guess, I would have made you sick by reading this now. Everyone goes on a trip for some purpose but most of the time the purpose is intertwined with individuals associated with it. 

The trip I went during August 2017 was a college trip. I was hesitant about going to it at first but intrigued because I haven't visited this place before. The name of the place is Vythiri and it is situated at the hilly regions of Wayanad, Kerala. You know it's funny how our gut feeling tends to be true most of the time. I was doubtful about a happy college trip and the doubt became reality. Let me take you inside the details of how I ended up paying 9K rupees for melancholy sickness.

Whenever there's a travel, I would be the most excited person in my family. This time I was having little cognitive dissonance whether should I go or not. Even after I paid for the trip, it felt more like depositing money at a bank than booking my slot for a college trip. So, I packed my bag like I was lurking towards a funeral and waited for the trip date. I already began to feel pool of thoughts in  my mind telling me that this was a big mistake that I would regret.

Day 1: 07/08/2017 - Chennai Central Station
I had to reach Chennai Central railway station all by myself. My dad said he would drop me at first but backed out at the last minute. I never went to central station without my parents before. The reporting time was 4 pm, I booked an auto and took my luggage and reached the destination. I am not fond of places that accumulate crowds but I am not fond of being left alone either. Both my dislikes came true. I grabbed my luggage and started to walk into the entrance of the station. Apparently, few of my classmates already arrived thankfully. I stood along with them. I looked around the hustle and bustle state of passengers eagerly waiting for their journeys. Yet here I was already thinking about going back home. I missed that Goodbye in person from my family. I might be old enough to vote and all but it doesn't mean I won't miss their presence like a little kid who's lost in a maze.

When you got no one to talk with at railway station but takes pictures of everything

Till this I was able to write about it months ago i.e. technically last year. Because we tend to not reminiscence and relive moments that made us sick and lose our serendipity. After lots of thought into it, here I am brave enough to think about it again and share it to the world. After reading, it might sound silly that just this made me scared to share about it but as an introvert with no actual friends in your classmates. Yes, it does.

(P.S. The following information here after is based on the photos and memories of this trip that happened like year ago. Oh and a long post ahead!)

So, here I go.... *Phew*

At the railway station, I was standing and waiting for the arrival of the train and my classmates. Every person had a gang they greeted, hugged, laughed and squealed to. What I had, you might think.
I had a crow. I know sounds hysterical but truth is we had many things in common than I imagined. We were alone, thinking deep, being a silent spectator and our souls were dark. Straight out of a fairy tale description for telling you guys I was watching a crow till the train arrived.

The crow!

Jokes apart, I was envious about the people having the best out of their lifetime. I paid the same. I study the same. But was not seen the same. I was rather felt like treated as another living cadaver that has joined for the trip. The haunting thought that conjured me was that it wouldn't made a difference even if I was absent and my presence wouldn't be missed by anyone of them. That made me sad and felt disappointed in myself. My inner self advised me "You should take the initiative to talk and be more friendlier. You need to do an ice breaker. Help them and they will talk to you more. Smile often. Fake an interest. Blah! Blah! Blah!" Funny thing is been trying that since childhood, never worked out. Once people label you as a weirdo or loner or someone they don't want to be with or talk to, they are missing out the best part of you. I am not suggesting that all should make friendships with everyone but everyone deserves a friend in someone who doesn't give faux smiles and artificial companionship.

Finally the train arrives to bid my goodbye to the crow and Chennai. We enter the train through our compartment and check for our seats. Our respective numbers aka the so called allotted seats that had a recent history of arguments within the gangs of my class that their gang mates were seated in different sections of the compartment on purpose and the other gang is trying to separate them and sabotaging their relations. Maybe it is good thing that I am more independent and devoid of emotional attachments to such people. Who fights for change in official train seating arrangement of a college trip when we can switch seats to our comfort or convenience without making a big havoc out of it? Well, I guess some people do, they exist and I witnessed it. To some, Life is all about exuberant pride and prejudice over sensible sanity.

The train moved with a thud and slowly picked up it's pace. Still naive about the life lessons I was going to get in this journey ahead yet being exhilarated for the surprises it has to offer. Beautiful views of landscape moved swiftly like an old movie reel. Often less appreciated and mostly ignored are the ones that beholds beauty within. The very things that we take for granted tends to be the most precious treasures of life. These magnificent views that are unravelled through the windows of a moving train is something to be cherished and witnessing such spectacles of nature is truly an honour to a person who likes to note even the tiniest details of all. It may be a boon or madness to be able to be curious and fascinated about all the things of the world even if it is of lowest value. But I guess it is a talent that is often comes to only to a few who can see the elegance in anything. Unfortunately I didn't get to sit by the window so couldn't take better pictures but was able to describe the sneak peak of the nature I got to see in a moving train.

Sun set

The sun went down, clouds became darker from hues of bluish-yellow to grey to black. Evening started to fade away and so did the views of the outside. Boredom creeps in and I heard giggles from the gangs of my class girls playing cards, talking gossips. singing and anything that I was not asked to join for. I did awaited for them to invite me for whatever they all shared as a group to enjoy the train journey but it never happened. Thinking about it still makes me sad that how easy a known group of people who know you for more than an year can make you feel like an outcast. So, I started fiddling with my phone and tried to distract and wile away as much time as possible. But time is a silly thing it never moves when you want it to get over so badly but vanishes when you want desperately. After a long wait we had our dinner and sleep time arrived.

I thought being bored was the worst thing to get in a train journey but life gets to more intense stuff than what you have experienced. I was not tired. Thus no sleep. I tried to sleep. Had my blanket on, tried reading a boring book that I had in my phone, observed my surroundings with a deep glance, stared at strangers that were walking in the compartment, read the manufactured by/at label on the fan, checked out the boring colour tones of the train's interiors, had philosophical self thoughts on ergonomics of the train for it's passengers who are trying to sleep, and getting start up ideas like why there is no pet services to ease out lonely insomniac train passengers like me. I know my brain sometimes goes overboard when it tries to start thinking and it happens only on sleepless nights. I have a brain that can never allow me to sleep unless I have done a tiring work like walking, writing, or even talking. I was so not sleepy that I even took a picture. When I look at it now I question my own genre of photography. I don't know how others might perceive it but I think it definitely looks like scene out of the corpse bride movie. So, I won't be surprised if you get scared by the vibe of it.

Insomnia 

Day 2: 08/08/2017 - Calicut Station
We reached a railway station in Kerala by early morning. I saw the name board "Kozhikode" written on it but in my itinerary the place we were supposed to be arrived was Calicut. And the train only stops at the station for few minutes only because it's final destination was Mangalore. I had a pang of fear for a moment. We all were told to get down of the train with our luggage quickly like as if a war is going on and we are refugees who escaped from it. Then the tour guy who was organizing informed us that both Calicut and Kozhikode are same places. A strength of relief yet had a slight disbelief. But who knows once paid for a college trip you have to follow the newly acquainted tour guy who knows than follow the gut instinct I guess. 

That's Kozhikode in Malayalam

Fun fact: The word "Malayalam" is a palindrome which means it spells the same in reverse. No, the tour guy didn't told us that. I learnt about it somewhere in the internet. I guess everything is not known and told from a tour guy. Sometimes we have to explore and discover it out of our own curiosity. 

We all gathered at one corner and few had a cup of tea or coffee. I also did and instantly regretted it. It was a sweet brown water instead of nicely brewed tea from the place that is famous for cultivating it. I guess railway foods are not my cup of tea. We waited for a while and few mini buses came to pick us up. The morning was young and it was pitch black outside. These vans had colourful LED lights decorated in their interiors which illuminated through it's windows when viewed from afar and they sort of resembled vibes of alien spaceship. For some reason too many students from other departments were also tagged along into this journey and it didn't felt much like a exclusive college trip but a bunch of huge crowds gathered for the trip. They say the more the merrier but I beg to differ. I believe in small crowd or would love to go on a solo trip if I was lucky enough to be allowed by my parents to let me travel alone.

Tour vans (The Alien Abduction vibes!)

In our half asleep state we all started to gear up and dragged our suitcases towards the assigned bus numbers. It's interesting to understand a personality of a person based on their luggage choices. Some were fancy, some were less packed or over packed, some has interesting designs, some were aesthetically significant and some were plain and simple. Don't ask me what luggage I had because it was a some random bag my family got as a freebie from some shop. But hey, if it serves the purpose then I am all fine with it. Choices can be admired or kindle your curiosity but never to be judged and belittled. Anyways, back to the trip chronicles. We started queuing up near the entrances of the respective vans and passing on our luggage and entered to get seated. The van had an interesting interior. It was designed with different psychedelic LED lights and stuff that I have no Idea what are called but are present on the top interior portion of mini vans.

The only decent pic of the van Interior I was able to capture.

Then, the vans moved through the streets of Calicut. The weather was cold and few drizzles were happening. I was half sleepy but half interested to view the outside world that I had come to visit. The van guy played music in the speaker system and few of my classmates started to sing along. There were too may twists and turns in those roads and that made one of my classmate to feel nauseous and the van halted for a while on the side of the road for her to spew out whatever she ate. Then our bus resumed to move again. Kerala has such greenery they try to not cut plants as much as possible. The electric cables have plant vines intertwined with it, the soil is mostly undisturbed except for the roads and building areas, the tree coverage is vast and expanse. On our way to hotel, We were halted for a few minutes at Lakkidi view point.   

Lakkidi View Point

Everyone got down and started taking selfies and their DSLR's. Here's something I think about DSLR. It is a camera that has way more awesome features and clarity than the camera in my mobile but people who own them feels like they are a pro. Can't deny that it's not a cool equipment but one should also know to use and take care of it. Meanwhile, I was taking pictures with what I got and content with it. After seeing my Instagram account (@d.sunayanareddy, if in case wondering), many have asked me do I use or why I don't use a DSLR for my photography. Well I have my own reasons for that. I can't afford to have one, I find it complicated to use, I feel it would be like carrying a heavy rock, I just need a simple picture to reminiscence the memory which I can take with a tap of a button than fiddling with couple of settings and I find my cam pictures having it's own unique style and flair compared to the ones taken in DSLR. 

Boring right?

Enough of Photography talk I guess. 

(Funny how mind can conjoin two different topics at a time)

Back to Lakkidi view point. It was a nice and serene place to view. What you can see here would be lots of amazing mountains, forests, clouds, sky and a fresh air to breathe. It's little hard to describe something when picture can speak more about this place. So, here you go! Take a sneak peak at what I saw at Lakkidi view point.

Mountains & Roadways

Vandalized safety bars

No sunrise yet

Lot's of drizzles

Trees and lush greenery

Cloud!

Monkey

Tiny water streams along the roadsides

That's all about my views on Lakkidi View point. If the above stuff interests you do plan to visit it. When I visited, at that point I was expecting more from my classmates like being included in their groups and having fun together because it was a college trip not a solo one and my mindset was expecting (fantasizing) a lot but ended up in denial mode. Now, I understand I was at fault too thinking they have empathy instead of arrogance and narcissistic behavior. If life suddenly feels numb like some sort of existential crisis where it's neither painful nor enjoyable and feels lot like a morbid state, just remember it finds a way to bring anyone down or at rare cases it does uplifts you. Life can have mood swings too!

Another mountain picture! Because Why not? 

Then we all reverted back to our transport for some more twists and turns ahead of the road and our fate. There was varied flora on the way up to the hills to reach the destination. At some point there were tea plantations everywhere and then we reached the resort. 

Tea Plantations

The entry road to the resort was a steep, narrow pathway which is in such a way I felt like we were tilted backwards to like a 45 degree angle and only one mini bus can go at a time. So, some people in other buses got down and preferred to walk to the entrance of the resort. Our bus reached sooner and we were waiting at the reception area for others who were walking to catch up.

The pathway

We were given a welcome drink which sort of looked like alcohol. Instead it was a warm decoction of some local ingredients brewed that gave a distinctive aroma and tasted like a herbal medicine. The cup it was served in was cute though. 

Welcome drink

Because it was a huge crowd the reception people were in a hustle to do the check in process. Meanwhile, I roamed around and took a few pictures of the resort. There was brief grumble from our hungry stomachs. We were split into groups of our choice to check in the rooms we got. Guess what! Being an Introvert all my life I would really loved to have the room for all by myself but I don't like being selfish either. And as per the invisible rules of social constraints posed by a college trip it is mandatory to share a room with others. Sharing the room with random people it is! They weren't bad but I am too peculiar to compromise with mundane people. 

Come to think of it, the above statement sounds more like I am complaining too much. And I don't even remember clearly what made my melancholy worse at that time but when I see the pictures again I regret giving chances for others to bond and embrace the last few months of college life we all got together instead I should have given more priority to explore the amazing beauty of this place all by myself. 

All I can say is I tried. I tried to have a chance at this thing called friendships with people around even though there was no mutual interests or vibes to relate to and I ended up getting disappointed. So I fell hard, learnt my lesson and explaining you that if you feel like this and have prior bad experience over something that won't work out for you don't attempt doing it unless it's life or death situation. To lighten up from whatever grim details you just read, here are the some pictures of the resort I took at that time to distract from my distraught thoughts.

Fountain, Buddha statue and trees 

Feels super serene right? Well it was pretty well groomed nature oriented resort but even that wasn't able to help me recover me back to my wellness. Glad I am recovered from the gloomy experience of the trip even if it took more than 12 freaking months for me to move on from it.

Further away from reception

If I hadn't moved away from reception and roamed around I had to witness and bear with the stuff others were indulging in like taking selfies of themselves, doing dubsmashes, gossips, giggles, and lots more I was not part of. Departing from something that makes you feel lonely is better than being stuck with it. It's like the Robin Williams quote "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."

For some reason I liked the flooring - tones of musky brown and less skidding

Oh! there is an interesting story about these slippers. This one time a random unknown long lost relative from my dad's lineage visits my home. She and few other ladies came to give this wedding invitation and went back in a hustle. Later that same day, I had some work related to my college that required me to take print outs for which I had to go out and get it done. To my surprise my footwear got missing and was replaced by a different pair of chappal. This random old lady wears my chappal by mistake and went away. She didn't even felt odd or notice that the footwear seems bigger than usual. I told my mother about it and she was least bothered. After persistent nagging she informs my dad about the incident. He said we will buy new ones. I usually try my best to be calm down at situations that test my patience. But finding a footwear for my foot size is a big deal. That too without a heel and covers my actual heel below my ankle. As a concerned person, I took a step ahead and called the number in the invitation card and told them that they left their chappal at my house and expected them to return mine. They didn't say much, Just "Oh okay" Are they going to give my footwear back, Should I forget about it? Clearly, people don't value their things as I do with mine. They were gone. I grieved, because I picked them meticulously and the next minute someone kidnaps it at my own home. May the force be with you, my dear chappal that was taken away from me by a random old lady who clearly needs a new ophthalmologist.

Bricks

Back to the resort! You get to see lots of Kerala homes built with these bricks. Completely raw and exposed without a hint of paint. They are known as Laterite bricks it seems (Googled). 

The other side of the reception

Place for tadpoles

Was it morning or evening? You never know because it's always cloudy

Beware of Monkeys

Breakfast

During my exploration of the resort and a long wait for getting the keys for our rooms, all of our stomachs grumbled in unison. Yes, we all were hungry. No matter how you feel, hunger is the only thing that's mutual among anyone I guess. Come to think of it, hunger has no bias or discrimination. The enthusiasm wore out and the zombie mode in the girls were activated. The tour guy who supposed to ease the trip actually took a while to realize this. He finally took pity on us and arranged for breakfast before getting our rooms sorted. I usually don't take pictures of food much even though I have studied Food Science for 3 years as my college degree but this seemed like a meal that was deemed worthy of a memory. If in case you are wondering what was on the plate: Idly, 3 different chutneys, Vada, Sambhar that looks like lucid curry, Pongal, Vanilla sponge cake, Watermelon slices, Puttu and Channa masala. Quite an exquisite foods for a breakfast isn't it. These were served in buffet. We were all barbaric to get it on our plates before they got over. Who had the patience to wait in line when you can grab and eat on the go. Hunger can make you forget your etiquette after all it is the only thing human hasn't altered or digitized so far in this time period. The next trouble was to find the seats to sit and eat. Too much crowd in the trip was to blame. Later, we were given key cards to our rooms. We walked towards our respective rooms.

The Pathways laced with tiny greenery

The key cards were something new for me. These open up the doors of the room by simple tap on the door handle. They emit some kind of radio signals which does the abracadabra that lets us inside the room. Now, I got intrigued by it and googled about it. They work on the mechanism called Radio Frequency Identification (RFID), it uses electromagnetic fields to automatically identify and track tags attached to objects which contain electronically-stored information. The nerd in me never dies.  

View from the room

The room I got was a cottage style building with a ground floor and first floor split into 2 rooms per floor. Ah! I am not going into the civil engineer talk. But for the favour of actual events, I had to mention the physical dimensions of the building. We had a bigger room compare to the ones that others got in the ground floor. They asked for exchanging our room in the first floor with their room in the ground floor so that they can meet and greet with their buddies even at midnight. But the girl with whom I was supposed to share a room with was so dedicated upon her ideals that she refused to give our room upon their request. Secretly, glad she was persistent on her point of staying in the room that was given to us from the tour guy. We got better view, spacious balcony and less insects. We entered the room explored the nooks and corners don't remember what the other bunk-mates did but I remember squeals from the rooms beneath us. "SQUEALS" I am not exaggerating but exciting adrenaline rushed girly squeals that had a pitch level which can also be misinterpreted as some weird creature has entered their rooms and stabbing them to death or some sort of sorority voice ritual. 

Then, the first thing I noticed was WiFi not connecting to my phone. Now how am I supposed to back up my photos. I love my phone because it's the only thing I had complete freedom to choose, all by myself without too much hindrance and introspection from my parents. So, even though it is something I love most, it had it's flaws like low storage for saving the large number of photos I take like a maniac. Thankfully there was TV in the room. Remember the girl who had strict ideals that she would not change them for anything. Well guess what! She wanted to listen to boring old Tamil songs in the TV. I was too precarious to argue with her to watch channel of my preference for a brief moment of saving me from my boredom. And I pretended liking the unknown song that was playing and started reading my boring book in my phone which I used to time pass with during my wait for buses in Chennai. I don't have music playlist in my phone because I listen to songs in YouTube and downloading songs felt like wastage of phone storage. And my sim card does not have the Internet plan activated. So, basically I sabotaged myself, without internet my phone is just a wireless landline to carry around.

Basically I shared the room with 2 people. The other nice, timid girl who was also sharing the room with us, opened up her luggage and there were all sorts of fancy items. Earrings, necklaces, dresses, western wear, party wear, cosmetics and it was kind of like sneak peak into Hermoine Granger's bag of girly stuff. She noticed I was looking at them like a spectacle. And asked me if I would like to try them on. I don't know where my self respect and not using other people's stuff policy evaporated (probably due to boredom) but some random neuron in me made me say yes but I was glad one of my bucket list got fulfilled. To try on different dresses and accessories is one of my obsession that began when I started to know about different attires in different cultures especially Kimono from Japan to Sarees from my Mom's closet. 

From a very young age, I grew up with my younger brother's companionship alone. He doesn't interact much. And, no one from my age group became long term friends in my life, heck no one kept me in their friend circle longer than a month. I totally grew up like an orphan of relationships. Studying for school education replaced girl friendships, exams were my outings, TV was my theater, and so on. Basically all my life I wasn't acquainted with much people and never maintained a noteworthy relationship with them. I felt secluded and even contemplated about it in my head. Sometimes I cried silently during my bed time till my eyes were heated up and tear drops were soaked up into the pillows. 

My family was devoid of any relationships with their own family members. My mother was a hardcore introvert thus no visitors came to my house and the reason for lack of my interpersonal skills. My dad has Narcissistic Personality Syndrome (That's what I think. Haven't diagnosed clinically but this info is solely based on my observations on his behavior and attitude over more than 2 decades). He selflessly be there for anybody except his own family because he took us for granted. He needed that public assurance and entitlement of grabbing people's hearts on cost of his family's misery and sufferings. (To tell about the total inflicted sufferings from him which my mom, me and my brother endured, that would become a whole new blog post altogether so restraining from elaborating it). Huge behavior changes are there from their past self to now but still the revert of those old habits of theirs kind of haunts me. My brother for some reason haven't felt the presence of loneliness like I did. I was always envious of him for that. I always wanted the perfection in life, I thought everyone's life was amazing because they have so many friends with them. I later realized the fact that aiming for societal perfection in life is like suicide to self happiness.

What I am trying to say is that, no one considered to help or involve me in their lives unless they were obligated to. I never had a sleepover at a friend's place, genuine buddy talk, exclusive bestie (maybe I do have one but it's invisible and stays as a voice inside my head). I always used to get this mixed feelings of anxiety, sadness and FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out. (An actual existing term!) So, back to the Vythiri diaries from my sadder childhood rant about loneliness. When this nice girl offered me to try on her own clothes and accessories, I was elated but also instantly felt emotionally numb that she did not offer me because I was special to her. It's her basic instinct and sweet nature to be nice to everyone. Instead of being happy about the fact I got offered to wear a dress belonging to a completely different individual, I was sad that it meant nothing. The enemy is nothing but the varied pessimistic thought process you attain. I hate to be in that state but when nothing goes right in certain phase of your life, the ability to retain optimism vanishes.

But still I tried them on and felt like a diva and thought her clothes are beautiful than the ones I had kept in my luggage. Without any ounce of shame, I asked her can I wear one of her top to roam around with on that day and ended up borrowing two clothes. I was so insecure that I started to believe whatever I had with me were of no value compared to whatever things owned by others. We all dressed up and stepped out of our rooms to have lunch. Eating food in a buffet surrounded by hungry girls is like you know right? (scavenger hunt) The next struggle was to get a place to sit and eat peacefully. With filled tummies we all hopped on into our small buses and went to visit our next tourist spot. On the way I got to capture the following through my bus window.

Tea cultivation

Lush green Mountains

Sunlight and tree silhouettes

We travelled for a while and reached our destination. It was a forest with a pathway that leads to a waterfall. Vehicles can't be used to reach as the path is narrow and suitable for walking. So, we all gathered to walk. On the way we got to see lots of beautiful things of this forest's nature got to offer it's visitors. Let me show you what all were there!

Tiny Ferns

The Pathway!

Ah! look at this plant, so tiny growing through the gaps of the pathway

Waterfall and the rainbow!

We walked and reached the waterfalls finally! The ground near the water fall is composed of giant rocks, slippery surface, changing tides of water and the teachers who accompanied us were bit concerned about out safety and were hesitant to send us all the way near to the stream of water to dip our feet in it. We weren't happy about it and gave our best pity faces until they let us keep our feet in the pristine water of the forest. There was a steep, narrow metal staircase to reach the bottom of the waterfall. We all walked slowly with steady grip not to fall and get smacked on our faces. It was kind of scary, adrenaline gushing adventure we succumbed. Some had to remove their fancy hiking shoes and socks to dip their feet into the water. I am a person who never was fond of wearing shoes. I feel happy to keep my feet breathing in the air than encapsulated in a fancy footwear. Just because you are going to a new place does not mean your feet tend to suddenly have a morphological change into some mutated tissue. I don't understand why people choose fashion statements over comfort and purposeful wear. But who cares, as long as they are happy with shoe bites, smelly feet, fungal infections and whatever other ailments it's their choice of living. 

I stayed for short while and walked back towards the bus. Many others stayed for a while. The distance seemed to be far this time because I was walking upwards the slope to reach the bus. Sweaty, exhausted, saw some of my classmates standing over a metal viewpoint area on the way and thought of taking rest along with them because the place was predominantly roamed by young men who were half clad. India is a place where the society instils the girl's mind with an unwanted fear for men instead to be confident and protect yourself from anyone. So, my mindset made me think it would be safe to take rest along with them instead of taking rest wherever I wanted to. When I was about to give a yet again faux smile and pretend to be less weird or awkward vibe which somehow my classmates find around me like as if awkward is my aura. Suddenly a sharp lightning struck nearby to the place my classmates were standing at. The tree branch behind them got burnt a little. One girl started to shiver a little and cried a bit along the way to reach the bus. Her ear became red and she was panicking a bit. Meanwhile, I was awestruck that I just witnessed a lightning and alive to tell about it. I was having this smug happiness filled with closed grin that so wanted to tell my mom what just happened! 

Monsoon manifest

The place was getting darker but there was clear sky once we reached our bus parking area. Even though I just saw wonderful waterfalls, radiant rainbow and a luminous lightning that gave shock of everyone's lives except mine. I craved for witnessing a wildlife as it was a jungle. Well guess what I saw? A cat. Not even the wild one but a domesticated cat that belongs to the shop people near the parking area. Oh well technically it's an animal and was spotted roaming freely near the jungle. 

The shopkeeper's feline

Remember the girl who got almost electrocuted? She and her friend went to the forest guards office and told that there was this huge kaboom happened and it almost killed her. Their reaction was very casual and were like oh! that's quite usual in these places. And my peeps were taken aback by their nonchalance and they were like dude are you for serious? We almost could have died or injured badly. You let people inside such dangerous conditions and not warn about it so that we could have taken precautions. Man Vs Wild debate. Whose fault was it? Was it the fault of the lightning to struck at a nature laden place or was it the fault of the human to visit a place that has a chance of alluring thunders? Poor guards what could they have done? Make the thunders stop till we finish touring? But she had a point too! They could have put a board informing us to be careful about sudden thunder surprise on the way to waterfalls. We roamed around the shops till others came back from their waterfalls. The shops sold food, bags, accessories, herbal concoctions made from local ingredients, wooden interior decor, fish spa and many more things that are seen in hilly tourist spots of India. The people who were actually dipping their feet when the thunder struck felt current passed in their bodies. Glad I came back sooner or I would have experienced mild electrocution.

I couldn't wait any longer to tell my mom about it. I called my mom. She picked up the phone and said hello with a voice filled with apathy. I said "Hello, Ma! I could have died today! There was this amazing thunder that I just witnessed a while ago. So close to where I was standing!" I didn't knew why at that point of time I was so much obsessed towards my own death and getting physically hurt. My mom was like "Oh. Be careful. Anything else you want to say?" The gleam on my face faded. I expected her to say like oh my god! How was it? Was it sparkling? What was the colour of the thunder? How close were you to it? Did you got a chance to touch it? Did you took a photograph of it? Expectation is the drug that can give both ecstasy and misery. I told her "There are shops selling green tea and herbal oils. Should I purchase it?" My mom replies with a sigh "Don't waste money. We don't need them and your dad had bought few green tea leaves from his last trip which is lying idle in the kitchen for a while. We don't need them." We said our good byes and concluded the call.

Soochippara waterfall, Wayanad, Kerala 
(Thank god I took a picture of the board. That's the name of the place we went to.)

We all started to board into our respective buses and resumed our transit to the resort. On the way back, my feet was tired and weather began to get colder which induced sleep. Others were busy arguing about which song to play. While I was busy thinking about how to stay awake till dinner.

Sunset

We all went to our rooms, took rest and waited for dinner. We had to walk from our rooms to the dining area which is situated near the resort's reception. The same bizarre grabbing of food and seats happened. I don't remember much apart from the weather was cold and they had this beautiful table decor using candle and flowers. 

The dinner table

Day 3: 09/08/2017 - Vythiri, Wayanad

I woke up to chill weather. The two girls in the room were still asleep. I roamed around a bit. The place was filled with a peculiar forest aroma and foggy clouds. I saw the window panes covered in mist. (I seriously don't remember what exactly happened a year back on this day) So, Picture time!

Panoramic view of the room's balcony

Morning Clouds

Balcony amidst the forest

Another room where other girl gangs slept in

I woke up to this!

Peek-A-Boo with forest

Room entrance

The pathway

By now I was taking photograph of everything in multiple angles
Because no one was awake and I had the freedom to roam around happily

The room I stayed 
(Room no: 35 ~ Sounds creepy)

Nature time!

Okay, I don't know what flower it is but here you go!

Too lazy to crop my foot

Green carpet by nature

Di-chromatic Leaves

Yellow leaf and my feet 
(Again, lazy to crop the picture)

Forest

Kerala is not complete without spotting a coconut tree

After a long stroll (a walk circling the cottage), I return back to the room. The girls were awake. We all took turns to take bath and got ready. We came out to see if they called us for breakfast. Turns out some were still in their nightwear and sleepy state. I heard few of my class gangs even consumed alcohol in their rooms and I was wondering maybe that's how a hangover looks like. After a long wait in the reception we got to eat our breakfasts. One must know a strength of a person by the way they haul food from the buffet table. Luckily I was pretty much awake and went to the dining place first so I got to eat everything on the menu. People were lurching at us in a way denoting why did you guys woke up and got ready so soon? As if the morning is so young.

Breakfast
(Idly, Potato Pakoda, Tomato Chutney, Coconut Chutney, Sambhar, Puri, Chole Bhature, Donut, & Muskmelon Juice)

Post Breakfast, myself and the two roommates roamed around the place till the rest of the people got ready for the day's tour. (More pictures ahead!)

Porch nearby the dining area

Oh I like architecture that has earthy resonance

I have no idea what it is but looks lot like nature's VFX

Coffee plant

Random unusual creature beneath the pepper leaves

It's not plastic! An actual surreal plant 

Because all leaves and no flowers makes the jungle a dull place

Or the leaf itself can camouflage as a flower

Spooky stuff!
(Shaitan in Hindi means Devil or an Evil Spirit)

Did you know?
They are known as lobster-claws, toucan peak, wild plantains or false bird-of-paradise

Yellow Heliconia

Pathway

Is this clover leaves? Am I getting lucky?

By this time everyone got ready and we all enter our respective buses. I was for some reason had a blank emptiness inside me instead of enthusiastic curiosity that I am about to visit a new place. I guess the place you are about to visit is more enjoyable based on the vibes and people surrounding you. Maybe that's why I crave solo trips so much that I can handle myself and that's enough to suffice in this lifetime.

Bus window view

Banana and some other tree cultivation

Super tiny roads

Green tea slopes

Surpassing Clouds

That's called morning in Vythiri

In between I was made to sit in the backside of the bus because one of my classmate was feeling nauseous. I was obligated to trade the seats and was peeping through the window over monochrome landscapes. By the time my head was soaking in all the depressing thoughts of guilt for being on the trip while my family is suffering from huge financial loss and feeling like a third wheel to the people around me, we reached the place that was on the tour agenda. We all got down of the bus and walked for a long while to reach the spot. 

We walked amidst these clouds and grass

Still walking but the place to visit hasn't arrived

Finally!

It was a beautiful serene place

A place like this deserves a Panoroma

Still no sun. Clouded just like my mood at that time.

I wonder what's the name of this flower?

Have you ever seen a huge butterfly that's as big as your palm?

Tranquillity

So, I was walking alone. The place has horse riding, boating, Virtual Reality (VR) game centre, nursery, and luscious garden. This one girl who was one of my bunk-mate and has bad temperament wanted to do boating through a speed boat. A speed boat ride requires 4 to 5 people to initiate a ride and it costs 100+ rupees per person. I wasn't ready to pay anymore because I was already in a guilt that I spent on this trip while my family are having a financial crisis. This girl so badly wanted to have this speed boat ride that she made me join her along with one faculty member and two college staff members. To not disappoint her and cover up my disinterest in speed boat ride, I lied to her that I am afraid of boat rides. The other nice girl was nauseous she stayed back. We took our tickets and waited for our turn. The guy in the dock gave us orange life jackets which we buckled up around us and stood there like penguins. I was little nervous after sitting on the speed boat. For a girl who watched too many American Funny Videos (AFV) where speed boats topple, who watched movies where people are attacked by sea creatures and who is afraid of deep opaque water in general is too not into for a boat ride with "speed." 

My hair flew in so many directions, water droplets sprayed on us, I prayed we don't get stuck in the middle of the lake and to make things worse the driver said he will take us on another extended round if we pay him extra separately. The college faculty and office people were like "Oh yeah! let's go for it! (and other ostentatious sounds!)" I was internally facepalming. After the ride, this girl gives me a big smile the one psychopaths give and tells me "See! there was nothing to be afraid of! Such an awesome boat ride" I wish I could have given a smirk and tell her that I wasn't afraid I was just not into it. Instead all I did was some fake chuckle and approved her point. There was this other big boat where it requires 20 people for a ride. I was more into it as it costed less per person and gives a smooth serene views of this place. Turns out we don't make good decisions when our mental state is down. Let me tell you one thing now, always trip with those who can give you the companionship you deserve or have a solo trip. Never make the mistake that I made. 

The big boat that I craved for

Ripples

Mountains

Guava

Because taking pictures was the only thing that was keeping me sane

Fit for a desktop wallpaper

Pink flowers

Common Eggfly Butterfly
Also known as Blue moon butterfly.
If you concentrate enough you will be able to see a light bluish ring over the white spot.

Purple Holy Basil 
(Excuse my hand for photobombing)

Lush clouds and mountains

While taking this picture, someone said 'Hey Sunayana'. For once I thought someone acknowledged me being all alone taking pictures like a wandering nomad on a solo trip. I turn around to see one of my classmate requesting me to take a photo of their whole gang in different poses. I hope instead she tapped me on my shoulder and asked if I would like to have a picture with her, trying to make me belong to this so called last college trip where all of them were happy with heartfelt smiles and joy. But all I felt was being used as a camera tripod for their gang's memorable trip pictures. It's okay to feel not belonging to anybody around us but it can be quite a wrench to get our sad thoughts to be proven. I really pray with deep experience that everyone should have at least one person with whom they can confide and share themselves with.

Walking back towards the bus

Murky waterlands

Because I am a lousy photographer

I have no idea what plant species they are but they have this ASMR effect over me

Spotted a small random dam on the way

So, coming back to the bus parking we saw lots of small shops selling different things to the tourists. The girls were on shopping spree as if their parents won't let them go outside to explore again. I was numb inside and just walk beside others towards the bus parking area. Everyone felt tired due to long walk and they all slept in their seats. I am used to long walks from college to bus stops and didn't feel exhausted. There was no further places to visit and the other half of the day is free for us to roam or laze around inside the resort. In the bus, I was watching the dark outside swiftly passing by my window. I felt like a mixture of mercury and lead being filled into my sternum. It felt pointless and unbearable to live anymore. Funny how depression can bring yourself feel alienated from the outside world even when you are literally touring it. It makes you inert to express what you actually feel like and even worse when you got nobody worthy enough to listen to you. Maybe I would have been happy if someone said a Hi or strike a conversation instead of dodging my existence. I deserved to be spoken with, giggled with, pictured with, dined with, roam with or at least not left alone as if I am not one of them. I felt like an exiled witch cuffed with loneliness among a pool of happy folks. 

Lunch
I lost interest to explain the foods on my plate but for the rare foodies who are reading my blog. 
Here you go! A soup, some rice dish, Paneer curry, Onion raitha, Cauliflower 65, Naan, Pickle and a Sweet.

We reached the resort and had our lunch. By this time, I lost my appetite to eat much. I still ate to curb my hunger and not to make myself look odd by starving. I didn't knew why I was innately seeking the attention of others to invite me for their companionship. It's just a thought as small as rice grain, as slender as a grass blade that totally destroyed me to enjoy this trip. But seriously though people say religions, castes, languages and other barriers separates the sane humanity. In my opinion it's the inner voice within us that is so evil that at our low times when there is no one nearby to look up to, it hits us down with emotional wounds so deep that makes you wonder what's the point of all this, that we call life. (I guess by now you would understand why I wasn't able to blog about this a year ago)

After lunch, We all dispersed into our respective rooms. The girls in my room took two directions. The nice girl who shared here clothes with me got sick and stayed in the room watching TV. The girl with the temperament who was adamant about not sharing the allocated rooms went to visit the swimming pool because all the others were planning to swim. I was perplexed whether to stay behind in the room for the sick girl or accompany this girl who is going to walk in the dark forest all by herself. I stayed back in the room. Because the itinerary suggested us bring nylon clothes or swimwear to enter the swimming pool and I didn't want to leave a sick person to stay alone while others had fun. I knew how that feels like mentally. But after a while, the sick girl told me to go to the pool because she wanted to talk with her friend on the phone. Fair enough. I was having little FOMO and started to leave the room in my light cotton nightwear at the cold forest. Even though I didn't have any pool wear and not planning to swim I walked towards the pool. I was sporty enough to give myself lots of chances for more disappointments and a blame for my unresolved sadness. Most of the girls were hanging out at the pool. Even my faculty was swimming across one point to the other.

With trepidation I watch the over plastered delight on those faces. I was scared to enter because it was super cold and I am not a rule breaker. I sat near the footwear left by the girls who are swimming. I slowly got enchanted by the blue water rippling across the place. I took a deep breath and crept my feet into the water. I saw most of the girls wore normal clothes and it's okay to swim with non-swim wear. I entered the pool slowly. Some were teaching how to swim to their gangs. Some were doing funny poses to upload in their social media platforms. Some were just chilling out in the waters. I was there, all alone, taking each step deeper in the cold water till the water level reached my shoulders. When you are too tall, not all swimming pools are deep enough to drench you. But sadness was deep enough to make me feel like nothing. It started to drizzle and the rain picked the pace. Few left the pool to avoid catching cold. Few of us remained and enjoyed the rain. Some took pictures of themselves dancing and goofing around in the pool.

Each splat of rain drop on my head felt like a caressing console for my battered soul. I was immersed in the gush of the rain and the soothing waves of the pool. Somehow I felt equal and normal. I felt being included. Nature choose to rain over everyone. No special gangs, no separate activities in secret and no feeling of left out. I was feeling better. Even though I very well know that wetting my hair gives frizzy curls and sometimes a cold which can anger my mom. I still persisted to stand still under the rain, assimilating it's influence and vibes. I was filled with this silent happiness that released me from my sad clutches. It was getting dark and most of the girls left the pool to get ready for the DJ night. As it's raining constantly the bonfire night became DJ night. The resort people gave us thick white towels to dry us up but we used it as an umbrella to reach our rooms from the pool.

The swimming pool

Dripping wet, we entered the room and quickly changed our attire. The sick girl must have thought now all three of us are going to have cold. Do you know how blissful it is to bath under hot water post drenching in the rain? It felt as similar as drinking warm cup of tea or coffee except the sensation was outside the body. I put my wet clothes at the balcony for them to dry. I saw others who got dressed up for the DJ night walking out of their rooms. They all wore fancy accessories, party wear and makeup. I didn't want to miss it but also didn't want to leave these girls who got cold. The nice sick girl told me to go for it but I told her I didn't pack anything fancy for dancing. She offered me to wear her dress which she had for the DJ night. How generous of her? 

With no shame, I tried them on. She had packed two fancy dresses for a 1 hour activity aka DJ night. Meanwhile I packed required amount of comfy clothes for the four days. I took them with me and went to the restroom to try them on. One was a faded olive green top with a distinct sheen and cuts near the neckline and shoulders revealing the bare skin and lines of cloth encapsulated in brass rods in between. Another one was a long ankle length dress with black on the sides and white fabric on the front and back. It had a black satin belt to tie at the waistline. It felt heavy but elegant. I wore the Olive green top and my jeans and hustled away from the room. There is always an innate sense of what if, whenever we do something new right. It happened. I felt like what if someone actually notices me for wearing unusual clothes, and maybe they might even give a compliment and I should act modest without grinning like an idiot. I was bit late to the dance floor. It was dark with so many disco lights and everyone were busy dancing to the music. There was actually no DJ. Just a Dance in the small room night. 

Disco Dissonance
(Someone hit me by mistake while I was taking a picture of the room)

Maybe it was because of the rain, I was less sad and started grooving to the music on my own. I started feeling a new found freedom of not being trapped into the thought of no one includes me. "I included me!" A piece of advice, put more effort on keeping thyself happy by the things that are within our control. In my case it was me. My mind, body and soul was under my control and I can wish to instrument it any ways I wish for it to act on. I danced for a while till dinner time came. I took my mobile out and called the girls in my room to inform them that the food was ready. We all had our dinner and went back to our rooms for a deep slumber.

Dinner
Soup, Onion, Cucumber, Carrot, some Chinese dish, Veg Noodles and Chicken Curry

Day 4: 10/08/2017 - Vythiri, Wayanad

Long walk, swimming under the rain, dance night and a cold weather in the middle of the forest can make anyone not to wake up. But I did. (Damn my circadian rhythm) The forest was surrounded by mist and cold breeze. Such serenity can only be felt at the early mornings of hilly areas. We packed our bags as it was the last day of the trip and ready to leave the resort.

Morning!

The Balcony and the weather

One last view from the balcony

I was ready but the girls in my room were still sleepy. I told them I am going to have breakfast and they came later. I took my food and sat on a table with empty chairs. One girl gang asked if I can sit somewhere else as their gang couldn't get a table where all of them can sit together and dine as a whole. I felt bad for them and forgo my seat but at the same time their was a feeling of ridiculousness to be indirectly told 'we can't sit along with you could you please go sit somewhere else?' I took my plate and sat on another empty table. Same incident repeated again but different gang. I felt humiliated. I don't even deserve to eat along with others? Low Self esteem crept in and the sadness mode levelled up. I went outside the dining area and sat on the moist floor covered with moss. With chilling wet floor beneath me and folded legs I ate my breakfast amongst others who were seated above me on dry comfortable chairs. None asked me if I can sit along with them. Few stares from other department girls thinking I am trying a new fad or something by sitting on the floor and consuming my food. 

Breakfast

Pasta (I hated it), Parota, carrot halwa, fried lady's finger, curd rice, chicken curry and dessert

The window view
If I actually seated properly without the girl gang interruptions

Lunacy ran through my mind. I was feeling like quitting but quitting from what? I wasn't quite sure what was the problem that made my sadness worse. As soon as I finished my breakfast, I took some sugar coated fennel seeds in my hand and walked away from the dining place floor to the reception sofa. I sat on the sofa and contemplated why did I have such a superpower to feel all this isolation among a crowd of almost similar people. I began to eat the sugar coated fennel seeds one by one to pass time. My roommates arrive for their breakfast, surprisingly they didn't go through what I experienced. Most of the crowd finished their meal by the time they arrived. Many were making some more memories on their one last trip together with their girl pals that felt like white noise to me. I hope I had the stamina to move on with the emotional illogical hurdle my mind was going through at that time. Thankfully, my mind didn't trick me into ending my life but just pondered over this undiscovered intense emotion I had in me that unravelled like a slow poison which sabotaged my favourite thing to do - Travel.

The alienation and the sugar coated fennel seeds

We all got our luggage, loaded it into the buses and went to our seats. The bus took us towards the last destination of the Itinerary. The weather was brightening up already and that made me feel little better from the previous subtly obnoxious incidents. Green meadows, pointy mountains, scattered trees, moving clouds, blue skies, and a view perfect to calm down from the chaos in my mind. On  a second thought this reminded me of Heidi, a cartoon I used to watch when I was a kid. I still don't remember the plot exactly but always loved the free spirited girl who explored the mountain alps with no inhibitions from within.

Bright day

So, after few minutes of bus journey we reached Pookute Lake. It was surrounded by so much flora that every angle you see you can spot greenery. There were lots of monkeys to spot. The place had few shops that was selling herbal products, an aquarium, boating, fish spa and a long pathway to walk along the lake. We were given short time to explore so we weren't allowed to try boating. I was relieved in a way. Some went on shopping spree, some sat to take rest, few tried fish spa, some bought food and ate. Fish spa is something that is quite new and this is the first time I witnessed it in real. There is a big glass tank filled with water and fishes where the person immerses the feet in it. The fishes supposed to eat dead skin and kind of alleviate any stress or pain. I didn't try it out because it was crowded with people and I read somewhere that if the the water was not clean it might lead to feet infections. Thus avoided it. The people who tried it felt like small tickles from tiny fishes. I imagined it to be feel like peeling skin scabs underwater. 

I started to walk around with my phone ready to photograph this place instead of worrying nothing memorable happening in this trip. Photos ahead!

Tibouchina - Dwarf Princess Flower

Tree and it's Shadow

Boating Dock

A Monkey

Two monkeys
(If you look closely there are 4 monkeys)

Baby monkey

The lake and it's glory

Plants barricading the footpath and the lake

Like I said, even the seats has plant life in it

At the end of the footpath

Leafless branch

The ecosystem

Convergence of forest and the lake

Tiny white flowers

So many varieties of plants in one place

Another seat with patterns of greenery

Fungus

If you have good eyesight, you can spot a lizard in this picture

Outside the Pookute lake

So, time was up. We came to the entrance gate where most of the girls were freaked out by the monkey that was sitting on a wall that was side of the road. I don't know if they were all really phobic to monkeys or were thrilled to shriek in unison. I stood there and people were thinking I was lunatic for not standing in the road instead of safely standing in the side where this monkey was not so proximate. I guess humans nowadays are more primitive in nature than the animals. I was happy that I had the early exposure with animals from young age and I knew that they won't hurt you unless for no apparent reason. Maybe I needed animals and plant buddies instead of humans for this trip. That's what I was missing!

The serene monkey that everyone assumed to be scary

So, We began our bus journey towards Calicut railway station. On our way the girls wanted to buy some Banana chips which is a famous thing to buy in Kerala. The bus passed by few banana chips shops but paused for a brief moment at one particular banana chips shop. All crossed the road, bought banana chips and other snacks for the train journey. 

Raw ingredients of Banana chips

We reached the Calicut Railway station and were searching for our platform. I wished we had to visit Calicut too but that's the thing about organised group tours. You don't get to improvise on the tour agenda on a whim and be adventurous to explore the new place on your own. 

Calicut Railway station

I can't believe I actually finished this blog after 1 year 4 months. (Now you know too) What made me not to write it? Well it was too sad to tell. What made me to finish it? Well I liked the pictures and felt like its okay to share sad moments of life which can help to introspect and depart from such past that has been clinging onto my memory like a slime. If you had some incident that made you feel like this write about it. Introspect about it. And if possible try to dodge it from repeating in the future. If you actually read my blog fully, congrats you have a tolerance to listen to my rants. (And a huge thank you!) So many good, great and ugly things happened post this trip but I made amends with my sadness. Wait who stole 2018? It didn't even feel like I have been in 2018 and it got over so soon. 2019 is fast approaching! Let me give you inspiration for your upcoming new year resolution. Try things that uplifts you and follow that gut feeling even if you feel it's superstitious to believe it.